Remembering Ivy Read online

  The open window was helping, so I sat at my desk and picked up William’s card. You love puzzles, especially of language. What had he meant?

  I studied the flowers, wondering why he’d sent such a mix of colors. Purple, blue, magenta and white. It didn’t look like a ready-made bouquet. It was pretty, and well put-together, but it didn’t have the polished look of something a florist had designed. Had William chosen them?

  The purple ones were pansies, but I wasn’t sure about the rest. I Googled and found pictures that matched. The little blue ones were periwinkle, like I’d thought. The other purple blooms were called Honesty. That was interesting.

  Were the flowers a message? Was he trying to tell me he was being honest? But what about the others?

  You love puzzles, especially of language. In Victorian England, there had been something called the language of flowers. At the time, the social norms had been so strict, it limited what people could say to one another. They’d often used flowers to convey messages. Could he know about that?

  I looked it up and found a chart of flowers and their meanings. Periwinkles meant early friendship. I supposed that fit. The purple Honesty flowers indeed stood for truthfulness, a message of I’m being honest with you. The purple pansies said You occupy my thoughts.

  And the magenta flowers… oh my god, they were called Sweet William. And there was ivy.

  William and Ivy… Early friendship… You occupy my thoughts… I’m being honest with you.

  I stared at the flowers and couldn’t help the silly smile that crept across my face. I was proud of myself for figuring it out, basking in the hit of dopamine I got from solving a puzzle.

  He’d known. He’d known I’d be compelled to figure it out. That I’d make the connections. That I’d understand his message, and enjoy the little mystery he’d sent.

  Who was this man and where had he come from?

  I did a little more digging online and texted him a picture of a deep pink rose. That meant thank you, or even thank you for being in my life. A few minutes later, he replied with a picture of a pineapple plant. Already suspecting what it meant, I looked it up. You are welcome.

  Biting my lip, I smiled at his text. He really did know me. Despite the strange way this had all started, I liked William. I liked him a lot, in fact. And it wasn’t because he was gorgeous. That was nice, but there was more to it than his face, his body, his smile—even his eyes, mesmerizing as they were. He drew me in, as if something in him beckoned to something deep inside me. I’d never experienced this feeling before, and I wasn’t sure what it meant.

  The little pings and sparks, the flutters and shivers he made me feel were quickly becoming addictive. Maybe Jessica was right, and I did need to be careful. But I wasn’t sure if I could.

  View from the Ledge

  William didn’t keep appearing unannounced. But he did keep appearing. The difference was, he started texting me first.

  Monday evening, he texted to say he was sorry he hadn’t seen me since Saturday, but he’d been busy. He asked if we could meet for lunch the next day. At lunch on Tuesday, he said he would come by campus the next day in the afternoon. And so it went for the next couple of weeks. William came to see me most days, but always asked first.

  Thursday, he met me after my afternoon class. He brought muffins and we took advantage of the nice weather, walking around campus while we chatted and ate. We passed Lisa outside the English building and she watched him with wide eyes. I wondered if she’d say anything about it later, but she didn’t bring it up when I saw her during my open office hours. She just gave me a knowing smile.

  Friday morning, I expected to meet him for coffee before work, but he texted to say he couldn’t make it. I went to my office and worked on grading essays.

  “Morning.” Jessica appeared in my doorway dressed in a colorful tunic. She smiled and came in to stand in front of my desk. “Rough week?”

  I pushed my laptop over a few inches. I was trying—and apparently failing—to hide my disappointment at not seeing William. “No, I’ve had a great week, actually.”

  “You look upset,” she said. “And I’ve hardly seen you. What’s got you so busy lately?”

  As if on cue, William appeared in my doorway. “Hi. I’m sorry I’m late.”

  I blinked in surprise. “I didn’t think you were coming this morning.”

  “Of course I was,” he said. His eyes moved to Jessica, who was staring at him with her mouth wide open. “You must be Jessica. It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m William Cole.”

  “Jessica Olson,” she said, sounding bewildered. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

  He smiled at her—a full smile, his cheeks puckering with dimples beneath his rough stubble. He was like a magician wielding a spell with that thing. Jessica was powerless against it. Her expression softened, and she smiled back.

  “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting,” he said. “I got caught up doing something this morning. But I thought you might have a little time before your first class.”

  “No, you’re fine,” Jessica said, glancing between the two of us. “I actually have to go. I was just stopping by for a minute. It’s nice to meet you, William.”

  “You too,” he said.

  Jessica left, tossing me a raised-eyebrow glance over her shoulder on her way out.

  “You didn’t have to come all the way out here,” I said. “I have to teach a class in ten minutes.”

  “I know,” he said. “That’s okay. I’ll walk you.”

  “You drove up here just to walk me to my class?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Yeah.”

  It seemed like such a silly thing for him to do, but I was so glad he had. He had me feeling all kinds of swishy, swoony things—things I’d never felt before with anyone.

  I was in trouble with this guy.

  He waited while I gathered my things for my class, that little almost-smile on his face. We walked outside together, taking our time, and followed the brick path toward the lecture hall. Neither of us said much—just strolled side-by-side. I found myself thinking about holding his hand—which led to other thoughts. His arms around me. His lips against mine. Our bodies tangled beneath the sheets.

  My cheeks flushed, and I knew I must be blushing bright red. It was not the first time I’d thought of him that way. My mind wandered with little fantasies about him all the time.

  We got to the building and stopped. Students passed us on their way in, so we stepped to the side.

  “Ivy, I was wondering…” He trailed off, putting his hands in his pockets and glancing down. Was he nervous? He was so cute, I almost giggled. “I was wondering if we could get together and do something tomorrow.”

  I’d been seeing him all the time—almost every day. But I could tell he was asking for something different.

  “Do you mean… like a date?”

  He stopped fidgeting and met my eyes. “Yes, a date.”

  “Sure, I’d love to,” I said.

  His smile seemed relieved and I wondered if he’d actually thought I’d say no. Then again, we hadn’t talked about Blake. He might think I was still seeing him.

  “Great,” he said. “I thought about asking you with flowers, but at a certain point that gets a little ridiculous.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, that’s true.”

  “Can I pick you up at nine?” he asked. “Or is that too early?”

  “No, nine is good.”

  His eyes drifted to my mouth and little tingles of anticipation filled my chest. All the feelings I’d been missing with Blake were hitting me hard with William.

  “I should let you get to work,” he said. “But I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear. “Sounds great. I’ll see you then.”

  I was up early, anticipation for my date with William making it hard to sleep. I showered and dressed, took Edgar for a walk, and had some breakfast, all before eight. The next hour was spent fid
geting, waiting for William to pick me up.

  Edgar alerted me to his arrival. He padded over to the door, but he didn’t bark. His body language was relaxed, but alert. His tail even wagged. A moment later, William knocked.

  I opened the door and he smiled. His clothes were simple—a jacket over his jeans and t-shirt. But my god, he looked good.

  “You look beautiful this morning,” he said. The hint of awe in his voice as much as his words made my cheeks warm.

  “Thanks.” I looked down at my clothes. I was dressed similarly—jeans and a casual shirt. I’d texted him to ask what we were doing so I’d know what to wear. He’d replied with don’t dress up.

  Edgar sat in front of William, his tail swishing. William scratched his head. “Are we ready?”

  “Sure, let me just get Edgar his new Nylabone. It’s his consolation prize for being left alone.”

  “Edgar can come,” William said.

  “Really?”

  “Of course,” he said.

  “Wow, thank you.” I’d never been out with someone who wanted to bring Edgar along. “You hear that, buddy? You get to come too. But where are we going? Am I dressed okay?”

  William glanced up at the sky. It was gray, but dry. “You could bring a jacket, but it looks like we got lucky with the weather. Oh, but put on comfortable shoes. We’re going to do some walking.”

  “Okay,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “Is that all you’re telling me?”

  He winked. “Come on, Edgar. Wanna go for a ride in the car?”

  At the word car, Edgar dashed outside. William followed and led him to his Jeep.

  “Over here, buddy,” he said, opening the door. Edgar jumped in and William looked at me. “Coming?”

  “Yeah, just a second.” I changed into tennis shoes and grabbed my small backpack. I kept a few things for Edgar in it—portable food and water dishes, a container of dog food, a few treats. I took my jacket off a hook by the door and went out to William’s Jeep.

  We both got in and he pulled out onto the street. Edgar sat in the backseat, watching out the window.

  “So, where are we going that we can bring Edgar?” I asked.

  He glanced at me, the corner of his mouth hooking in a little grin. “Do you trust me?

  “Yes,” I said, without hesitating. And the amazing thing was, I really did.

  “Good.”

  We drove out of town and got on the freeway heading south, then east. Edgar happily watched the scenery roll by; he loved car rides.

  I chewed on the inside of my bottom lip. I needed to tell William about the day I’d followed him. I’d been thinking about it a lot, but I hadn’t brought it up. Keeping it from him felt wrong.

  “William, I have a confession.”

  He glanced at me with those beautiful blue eyes and my heart fluttered. “Yeah?”

  “I followed you once,” I said. “You met me before work, and when you left, I didn’t go to my office. I trailed you to your car, and then I followed you into the city.”

  I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. But he didn’t seem angry or annoyed. His lips turned up in the barest hint of a smile.

  “What did I do?”

  “Well… you went home,” I said. “At least, I think the building was where you live. It looked like apartments. I was going to leave at that point, but then I saw you come out. You went to a grocery store, and then you took a sandwich to a guy sitting out on the street.”

  “Bruce,” he said. “I bring him lunch on Fridays sometimes. He hates roast beef.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Then you brought groceries to an elderly woman. After that, you walked around for a while, and I followed you down to the Bookstore Underground.”

  “Did you go in?” he asked.

  I nodded. “I did, and the guy who was working was totally suspicious. I saw you buy a book. I left after that.”

  He laughed. “That was well done. I never saw you.”

  “You aren’t mad?”

  “I’d be a hypocrite if I was,” he said. “I followed you around a lot more than once.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I told myself when I was doing it,” I said. “I still felt weird about it, though. I wasn’t trying to violate your privacy. I just wanted to figure out who you were.”

  “I know exactly what you mean,” he said.

  “Why did you start bringing a sandwich to Bruce on Fridays? Did you just see him out there all the time?”

  “Not exactly,” he said. “I almost hit him with my car.”

  “What?”

  “It sounds worse than it is,” he said. “He walked right out in front of me. I had a green light, he just wasn’t paying attention. But I pulled over and let him yell at me for a few minutes. Then I offered to buy him lunch.”

  “You have an interesting way of making friends,” I said.

  He laughed. “I liked him. He has moxie. I’d seen him around, so I knew where he usually hung out. Figured he could use a decent meal once in a while, so I started bringing him a sandwich.”

  “As long as it’s not roast beef,” I said.

  “I forgot one time,” he said. “And he’s never let me live it down.”

  “What about the lady with the groceries?” I asked.

  He looked at me with a grin, his dimples puckering. “Guess what her name is.”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Mrs. Ivy.”

  My eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”

  “No,” he said. “Not long after I moved into my apartment, I was behind her in line at the market. The cashier knew her—called her Mrs. Ivy. I knew she wasn’t the one I was looking for; I could tell by her voice. But it seemed like a funny coincidence, so I struck up a conversation with her. Turns out her name is Carolyn Ivy. Her husband passed away a few years ago, and she has trouble making ends meet. I bring her groceries sometimes, just to help out.”

  “You really are amazing, you know that?”

  He shrugged. “Not really. I have more than I need, so I can afford it.”

  After a forty-five-minute drive, we turned off the freeway near North Bend, in the foothills of the mountains. We drove down a curving road to Rattlesnake Lake Park. William pulled into a parking spot and I stared at him.

  “Are we hiking up to Rattlesnake Ledge?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “Do you know about this, too?”

  He took my hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb, just like he’d done in the coffee shop. “Yes.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Your dad used to bring you here every summer, and you’d hike up to the ledge together to look at the view. When you were older, he told you he did it so you’d never forget that there are beautiful things in the world, and to keep your eyes open for them.”

  “That’s exactly what he said.” I didn’t ask how he knew.

  “I thought maybe you’d want to see the view again,” he said. “And I’ve never been here.”

  “You haven’t?” I asked, and he shook his head. “Well, let’s get going.”

  With Edgar on his leash, we headed out. It was about a two-mile hike to the top, up a switch-back trail that was well-maintained. It was a popular hiking spot, but the overcast sky seemed to have kept a lot of people at home. It wasn’t crowded, just a handful of other hikers braving the threat of rain.

  The trail wasn’t long, but it got steep, and I was breathing hard by the time we got to the top. Even without a clear sky, the view was amazing. Miles of deep green forest, the blue lake at the bottom of the valley, mountains rising in the background.

  We found a place to sit and I got out Edgar’s water.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked.

  “Very.” He paused for a moment. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  “What happened to your dad?”

  I glanced at him. “You don’t know?”

  He shook his head.


  I looked out over the valley below and took a deep breath. “He had cancer. And then a stroke. He died about a year ago.”

  “I’m sorry.” He took my hand and twined our fingers together.

  “Thank you.”

  We sat in silence for long moments, our hands clasped. I was grateful he didn’t say anything else. So often people tried to say things they meant to be helpful, but weren’t. William’s silence and the warmth of his hand were comforting in a way nothing else had been since my dad’s death.

  Edgar finished his water and laid down next to me, putting his head in my lap. I absently stroked his fur. Although it was bittersweet to be here—in a place that had so many memories of my dad—it felt good, too. It felt right. Like I’d needed to come here and see it again, although I hadn’t realized how much.

  “I miss him,” I said after a while. “But the last two years of his life were so hard. I’m glad he’s not in pain anymore. It’s just difficult to feel so disconnected. He was the only family I had.”

  “I understand what it’s like to feel disconnected,” he said.

  “Do you have family nearby?” I asked.

  “No, I don’t have any family.”

  “As in, not at all?” I asked.

  He shook his head.

  “Neither do I,” I said. “People are always so surprised to hear that, like it’s impossible. But I never knew my grandparents on either side. My mom died when I was two. My parents didn’t have siblings, so I never had aunts and uncles or cousins. It was just me and my dad. We had other people in our lives over the years, but it’s not really the same.”

  “People are surprised when I say it too—that I don’t have family. You’re the only person I’ve ever met who isn’t.”

  “Are you lonely?” I asked.

  He didn’t answer right away, but when he did, his voice was soft. “Sometimes.”

  “Me too.”

  “But not now,” he said, squeezing my hand.

  “No, not now.” I looked over at him and he met my eyes with that little smile. “I’m not seeing Blake anymore,” I said, blurting it out before I’d thought about what I was saying. “I just… I don’t know why I said that. I guess I wanted to make sure you knew.”