Hot Single Dad Read online

  “Math stations,” she says. “And reading time.”

  “That’s good,” I say. “Reading time is your favorite.”

  She nods.

  “Did something happen to make you sad today?” I ask.

  She doesn’t answer, just rolls a green grape around her plate with one finger. My heart sinks a little. She still has good days and bad days at school. I can tell today wasn’t one of the good ones.

  “You can tell me about it, Bug,” I say. “Maybe I can help.”

  “Noah wasn’t at school today.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad,” I say. “Did you miss him?”

  She nods.

  “Are you worried about him?”

  She nods again.

  “How about I text Miss Megan and see if he’s okay,” I say. “Would that make you feel better?”

  “Okay,” she says, her voice brightening.

  I send Megan a quick text, letting her know Charlotte missed Noah, and asking if everything is all right. Charlotte goes back to her snack and seems to relax. Another minute ticks by, and I get more tense.

  Megan texts me back, thanking me for checking in and letting me know that Noah is fine. He had a tummy ache this morning, so she kept him home.

  “See, Noah is fine,” I say. “He’ll be back tomorrow.”

  Charlotte nods. “Are you sure he’s coming back?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.” I smooth her hair back again. She has so much anxiety over people leaving and not returning, as well as her fear of being forgotten or left behind. I wonder if it has something to do with losing her mom. It’s hard to know—she was just a baby when Mel died, so she doesn’t have any memories of her. But maybe that’s where some of her deepest worries come from.

  The front door opens and Charlotte’s eyes light up, like they always do when her dad gets home. She hops off her chair and starts running for the front door. Caleb comes in, a smile on his face, but then he turns and says something, as if he’s talking to someone behind him.

  Charlotte stops dead in her tracks as a woman walks in the door behind Caleb.

  It feels like the floor just dropped out from under me. I have a momentary sensation of falling, like I left my stomach behind.

  She’s beautiful. Her clothes are sophisticated and stylish—a cream blouse and slacks with expensive looking shoes. A curtain of shiny dark hair hangs around her shoulders, and her makeup is flawless.

  Oh my god, is she…?

  “Hi, Bug,” Caleb says. He motions for the woman to come in, and crosses the distance to Charlotte. “It’s okay. I brought someone to meet you. This is Daddy’s friend Abigail.”

  Abigail. Daddy’s friend. I know it’s possible that Caleb is dating. He’s never mentioned going out with someone, but maybe he was just being discreet. That seems like something he would do. There are plenty of nights he comes home late, and I always assume he’s working. I guess I was wrong.

  And if he’s bringing her home to meet Charlotte, it must be serious. He wouldn’t introduce just anyone to his daughter—that much I know for sure.

  I swallow hard, trying to bury the crushing disappointment that washes over me. I’m going to miss the next bus, and I’ll be late if I do, so I quickly grab my things. Caleb has Charlotte in his arms and Abigail is speaking softly to her. I tear my eyes away; I don’t want them to see me staring.

  Glaring, more like.

  “Sorry, I’m going to be late,” I say, brushing past them. I’m proud of myself for how calm my voice sounds. It’s completely at odds with the mess inside me. “I’ll be back later.”

  “Oh god, Linnea, I’m so sorry, I forgot today was—”

  I close the door behind me without waiting to hear the rest of what Caleb was going to say.

  My stomach is in knots as I walk to the bus stop. Caleb has a girlfriend. I knew I was wrong about all those little moments—when I thought he looked at me like there might be something else there. This confirms it. He likes me fine—even cares about me, as a friend and as the person who watches his daughter—but that’s all. I’ve never been anything else to him, so I shouldn’t be so upset about this.

  The bus picks me up and it’s a short ride to the music store. I can’t get the image out of my mind—the three of them standing together. Caleb holding Charlotte. Abigail smiling at her, saying hello. I don’t know who I feel more territorial over, Caleb or Charlotte. I think about the time Megan said she thought I was Charlotte’s mom. She thought Charlotte was mine.

  I wish she was mine.

  Sniffing a little, I swallow back the tears that are trying very hard to well up in my eyes. She’s not mine. Not like that. She’s my niece, and I’ll always have that relationship with her, no matter what Caleb does. Even if someday Charlotte is calling someone else Mom. Someone like Abigail.

  By the time I get to the store, I’ve forced the worst of my stupid heartache down where it can’t touch me. I still feel a bit sick, and wish I could go home and curl up under the covers by myself. But I take a few calming breaths, and get on with my afternoon.

  I have four students today, and the first three lessons pass quickly. I can tell my first student has been practicing—her scales are coming along nicely and I’m teaching her to play Ode to Joy.

  My next student is a little less enthusiastic, so I suggest we try something new. After asking him some questions about what he likes, I find the sheet music to the theme from Star Wars in my folder. He’s thrilled, and when he leaves, I hear him telling his mom how excited he is to play when he gets home.

  The third student is a six-year-old girl, who of course reminds me of Charlotte. I work with her on some simple scales and we play Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

  By the time my last student arrives, I’m exhausted from the effort of staying focused and keeping thoughts about Caleb out of my mind. My student’s dad, Nate, smiles at me when he ushers his son into the little practice room.

  “Work hard, Jax,” he says. He meets my eyes again. “Listen to your teacher.”

  I do my best to smile back, then get to work with Jax. He’s a little squirmy, but boys often are. He’s ready for a new song, and asks if he can learn to play Happy Birthday. I get that request a lot, so I already have the sheet music handy. We work on it for a little while, and go over a few more things in his music theory book.

  “Okay, Jax, that’s it for today.” I help him gather up his books and new music. He shoves everything into his backpack and I try not to wince at how he’s crinkling and bending his music. Hopefully his dad will help him smooth it out when it’s time for him to practice at home.

  Nate opens the door and peeks in. “You about ready, sport?”

  “Yeah, Dad,” Jax says.

  Nate smiles at me again, and something about his expression makes me pause. His eye contact is prolonged, and one corner of his mouth turns up in a smile.

  “Hey Jax, why don’t you grab your stuff and wait right out there,” he says. “I need to talk to Miss Linnea for a second.”

  Jax puts on his backpack and goes out to the waiting area outside the practice rooms. The door is glass, so I see him plop down in a chair.

  “So, Linnea…” Nate clears his throat and licks his lips. He’s a nice-looking guy, probably in his thirties. Blond hair, blue eyes. Jax looks a lot like him. “Jax is with his mom this weekend, so if you don’t have any plans on Friday, I’d love to take you to dinner. What do you think?”

  I’m completely unprepared for what he just said and it takes me a few seconds to recover. Did he just ask me out? “Oh, um, I’m not sure.” I grab my phone and open my calendar. Not so much to see if I’m free—I know I am, and Caleb is off Friday afternoon through Sunday—but to give myself a second to think.

  Should I accept? I’m not sure if I should go out with the parent of one of my students. But Nate seems like a nice guy. Maybe he’s not my age, but my boyfriend in college was my age and that didn’t turn out so well. Caleb is always telling me I should get out an
d meet more people. Of course he is—he has a girlfriend, so he’d be fine with me dating.

  If Caleb is dating, I suppose I should make more of an effort to put myself out there, too. It’s not like I can keep harboring my stupid crush.

  “Yes, I’m free,” I say. “That sounds nice.”

  He smiles again, showing a dimple in one cheek. “Great. I’ll pick you up at seven. You can just text me your address.”

  “Okay, seven,” I say. I’m about to suggest that maybe I should meet him somewhere rather than have him pick me up, but he doesn’t give me a chance.

  “Perfect,” he says. “I’ll see you Friday.”

  He leaves with Jax, and I’m left sitting in the practice room, wondering what just happened. Did I just agree to a date?

  Yes, yes I did. And it’s fine. I should go on a date. I haven’t been out with anyone in months—not since before I moved to Seattle. I went out with a guy a couple of times when I was living with my parents. But my mother was so judgmental about it, always muttering about men making you lose focus. I hadn’t been all that interested in him anyway; he was nice, but there was absolutely zero chemistry between us. So letting it fizzle out hadn’t been a disappointment.

  Since moving, I’ve been so wrapped up in Charlotte, and Caleb and his family, I haven’t branched out and made many other friends. I haven’t hung out with Chloe or anyone else from Henley’s again. I do have Megan. But I’m friends with her because of Charlotte, mostly.

  Maybe it’s time I start carving out my own life, apart from the Lawsons. I’ll be Charlotte’s nanny for as long as it works out, but I need to stop holding onto the secret hope that maybe Caleb will notice me. That ship hasn’t sailed; it never existed in the first place.

  I gather up the rest of my things and go outside to the bus stop. I try not to think about Caleb and Abigail spending the afternoon with Charlotte. Although I do wonder if they’ll be home when I get there. Thinking about that makes me change my plans.

  Regardless of whether I have a date—and regardless of my awareness that Caleb was never an option—I don’t think I can cope with seeing the three of them together.

  Instead of catching the bus, I walk up the street to a café and order a pastry and some hot tea. After taking a seat at a little table in the corner, I text Caleb to let him know I’ll be home late. I’ll let the three of them have their time and I’ll slip in later, when I can go straight to bed.

  Getting over my ridiculous crush isn’t going to be easy, but maybe my date on Friday will help.

  12

  Caleb

  After a remarkably stressful night at the hospital, I get off work and head to the gym. I’m tired, but I want to blow off some steam on the court. I’m running later than usual, and Alex is already here when I arrive.

  “No Reid today?” I changed before I left work, so I just take off my sweatshirt and toss my wallet, keys, and phone on top.

  “No, he had something come up.” He passes the ball to me.

  I nod and dribble a few times. Our weekly basketball sessions are pretty casual. If we can make it, we show up. If not, it’s no big deal.

  Alex and I shoot around for a little while to warm up, then play a game of twenty-one. I beat him—barely. When we were kids I could never take him; he had that big brother power over me. I’ll never forget the first time I won. I don’t know which one of us was more shocked. Now we’re pretty evenly matched.

  After our game, we sit on the floor, courtside, while we catch our breath. I take a drink of my water and wipe the sweat from my forehead.

  “Okay, I have a question for you.” I’m not sure if I should bring it up, but this thing with Linnea has been killing me. I trust Alex more than anyone. He’ll give it to me straight if I’m out of my mind. “Scale of one to ten, how bad would it be if a guy had a thing for his nanny? Theoretically speaking.”

  Alex raises his eyebrows at me. “So, we’re pretending this isn’t you?”

  “I never said it was me.”

  “Are we also pretending the nanny isn’t the guy’s former sister-in-law?”

  “That’s… okay, there are additional circumstances that make this guy’s situation complicated, how about that?”

  “I guess I’d have to give that a five, maybe a six,” he says. “There is the issue of you being her boss.”

  “Didn’t say it was me.”

  Alex gives me a quick eye roll. “Sure. Anyway, he’s her boss, which makes it a little complicated. I can see why he’d hesitate.”

  “Plus, if he goes for it and it goes bad later, he doesn’t just lose a girlfriend,” I say. “His daughter loses her nanny. And his daughter loves her.”

  “Yeah, that takes it up to a solid seven,” he says.

  “And she’s so much younger,” I say. “She’s twenty-two. What girl her age wants to be with a guy who has a kid already? Shouldn’t she be out dating? Hanging out with friends?”

  “Are we still pretending this isn’t Linnea?” he asks.

  “No,” I say, grudgingly.

  “I’ll be honest, the age thing doesn’t seem like a huge problem,” he says. “Linnea gets along so well with all of us. It’s not like we have nothing in common with her. I don’t even think of her as being really young. She’s just… Linnea.”

  “Yeah, that’s true.” I hadn’t thought about it that way before. But even though she’s mature, it doesn’t mean she’s in a place in her life where it makes sense for her to be with a guy like me.

  “The sister-in-law thing is a little awkward, though,” he says. “Would her family have issues with that?”

  “Undoubtedly,” I say. “They weren’t happy when I married Melanie. I can’t imagine they’d be excited for me to start dating their other daughter.”

  “That’s tough,” he says. “But is that a good reason not to give it a shot with someone?”

  “It’s not a deal-breaker. Just a factor,” I say. “How do you get along with your in-laws?”

  He shrugs. “They’re nice people. They kind of look at Mia like she’s some kind of anomaly though. I don’t think they understand her, or really try to, and it rubs me wrong.”

  “I think Linnea gets the same thing from Steve and Margo,” I say. “She’s different, and they don’t really know what to do with that.”

  “She is a lot different than Melanie was,” he says. “I’m actually kind of surprised you’re into Linnea enough that you’re thinking about it. She seems like Melanie’s opposite. I figured if you ever took a chance with someone again, it would be with someone more like Mel.”

  I look away for a moment. It’s hard to be honest about Melanie—feels like I’m dishonoring her memory. “Yeah, I can see why you’d think so. But the truth is, if Mel was alive, I don’t know if we would have lasted.”

  “What makes you think that? I thought you guys were good together.”

  “We were,” I say. “And don’t get me wrong, I loved her. When we met, I was attracted to her drive. She was so self-assured. Knew exactly what she wanted. She was really dedicated to medicine, and I was too, so we had that passion in common. But you know, I think she was too much like Mom.”

  Alex winces. “But she wouldn’t have walked out on Charlotte.”

  “No, she wouldn’t have,” I say. “Not the way Mom walked out on us. But I think ultimately that drive would have been a wedge between us. Knowing what it’s like to raise a child, it would have been hard to balance everything. I’ve had to make compromises in my career in favor of being a father. I don’t know if she would have been willing to do that for her family. I think her career would have come first, and that would have become a big problem for me.”

  “God, why did we both do that?” Alex asks.

  “What?”

  “Marry women so much like Mom,” he says. “Janine was practically Mom’s clone. I don’t know how I didn’t see it at the time.”

  “You were young,” I say. “You got caught up in Janine’s decisiveness. T
hat’s kind of how it was with Mel. Although I will say, Mel had a heart that was actually beating. I’m not convinced Janine did.”

  “Me neither,” Alex said. “It worked out in the end, though.”

  “Yeah, you and Mia, man…” I laugh softly and shake my head. “You guys are so good together, sometimes I wonder if you’re hiding something. But I don’t think Mia could pull off a double life. She’d blurt out the truth.”

  “She doesn’t blurt out that my alter ego is a woman who writes romance novels,” he says.

  “Good point,” I say. “How’s that going, by the way?”

  “Great,” he says. “I’m even branching out. Next month I’m releasing the first in a sci-fi series under my own name.”

  “No shit?”

  He grins. “Yeah. I learned a lot writing as Lexi, so I took that and restarted my sci-fi series. It sucked to start from scratch after all the time I’d spent on it. But it’s a thousand times better, and I actually finished it. Kendra’s editing it now, and I’m halfway done with the second book. The Lexi-train is still going strong, so I can take some time to write other stuff. It’s pretty cool.”

  “That’s really cool,” I say. “Good for you.”

  “Thanks.” He takes another drink of his water. “You know, I think you should go for it with Linnea.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” he says. “You wouldn’t be thinking about it seriously if you didn’t really like her.”

  “I just don’t want to fuck things up,” I say. “Dating her would be complicated.”

  “You just have to decide if it’s worth the risk,” he says. “Look, this is going to sound like I’m making shit up for a Lexi book, but I mean it: If it’s real—if there’s something there—you aren’t going to be able to deny it forever. And if she feels it too, well…” He shrugs.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right,” I say. “Maybe I need to give it a shot. Take her out. Talk to her. See if she’s even interested. Because that’s the other obstacle; I don’t know if she is.”

  “She is,” he says, completely matter-of-fact.