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  Selene stands next to me while Nathan pours drinks at the counter.

  “Awesome night, huh?” she says. “Where’s Steven?”

  She looks glorious in a shimmering, sleeveless gold top and black skirt, with her brown hair pinned up. She has a Victoria’s Secret model body—tall and effortlessly thin, with fantastic boobs.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I guess he went to the bathroom or something.”

  “Well, you better find him,” Selene says. “It’s almost midnight.”

  Someone turns on the flat screen to the New Year’s countdown. Nathan hands Selene her drink and they go back into the midst of the party.

  I decide to do a lap to see if I can find this date of mine. The least the guy can do is make sure I’m not the only one at this party standing alone to ring in the new year. We don’t have to make out, but someone to clink glasses with would be nice. He didn’t even tell me where he was going; he just mumbled something about being right back. That was at least ten minutes ago.

  I don’t see him among the people dancing, and he isn’t grazing on the snacks set out in the dining room. The downstairs bathroom is empty, although a girl ducks in front of me and darts in, closing the door behind her. The study door is closed—Selene doesn’t usually want guests in there—but I peek inside, just in case. It’s empty. I check my bedroom, which isn’t far from the kitchen. No one in there either.

  I walk to the entry foyer and find a couple making out next to the coat rack, but neither of them are Steven. I don’t know why he’d go upstairs, but I figure I’ll check. The wide staircase curves to an upper balcony. I take another look from the top, but don’t see him anywhere.

  The music is quieter upstairs, and I hear the distinct sound of moaning. Oh lord, am I about to walk in on someone getting it on in the hallway? Are we at a fucking frat party? It’s dark, but I walk a little farther and definitely see someone—two someones. The guy has the girl pressed up against the wall, his hand up her shirt. She’s giggling as he kisses down her neck.

  I don’t want to intrude, so I’m just about to hightail it back downstairs when I recognize the guy’s sweater. Wasn’t Steven wearing blue? There’s not much light but—

  He turns his head just enough, and I get a glimpse of his face. It’s definitely Steven.

  I back up quickly, tip-toeing so they won’t notice me. Fuck. Of course my date would make out with some other woman at the New Year’s party. That pretty much sums up my love life right there.

  So much for the responsible and mature accountant.

  I head back downstairs, planning to retreat to my room. Selene will ask about Steven if she sees me, and I don’t want to ruin her night by telling her what happened. I’ll make her feel guilty about setting me up with a douchebag later. Tonight is her party, and I don’t want to mess it up for her.

  I slip through the kitchen to get another beer, then pause and think better of it. Instead, I grab a plastic cup and mix an impromptu cocktail. Vodka, over ice—and I may or may not tip in a little extra after I pour in two shots. I add some cranberry juice from the fridge. There. That ought to keep me company while I listen to the happy people out here, starting their new year off right.

  “Hey, Ky,” a gravelly voice says behind me. “Where you running off to?”

  “Hey, Braxton,” I say.

  Selene’s twin brother looks so much like her. They have the same dark eyes, olive skin, dark hair. But where Selene is tall and slender—she’s a fucking Amazon warrior at five-eleven—Braxton is six-foot-four-inches of thick, solid muscle.

  He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Where’s your, uh … date?”

  “Found someone else to hang out with.”

  Braxton’s expression darkens. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah,” I say with a shrug. Despite the fact that I wasn’t into Steven, being ditched still stings. But I don’t want Braxton to know that. “Whatever. He was boring anyway.”

  Braxton moves a little closer and I catch a whiff of him. I swear, the guy must have a cologne called Weak Knees. I always feel fluttery in the stomach when he’s around, always need a minute or two to find my grounding. It must be why he gets so much ass.

  “He left you alone right before midnight?”

  “Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

  I glance around, looking for Hope, but she’s nowhere in sight. I want to ask Braxton how much longer I’ll have to deal with her murder glares, but I don’t. It would violate our unspoken pact, the other tenet that makes our friendship work: we don’t talk about our relationships, especially if we don’t like whoever the other person is dating—which is pretty much always. When a relationship ends, the pact is nullified, and the gloves come off. But prior to that, our dates are off limits.

  This came about because the people we date are never comfortable with our friendship. Hope isn’t unique in that. No one minds Selene—Braxton’s girlfriends want to impress her and become her BFF. My dates see how hot she is, and try to hide it when they stare, but they don’t mind me spending time with her. But Brax always seems like a threat, and apparently so do I.

  Why his girlfriends see me that way, I have no idea. The women he’s with are always more like Selene than me—tall, model gorgeous, with great clothes and perfect hair. I’m just … me. I’m happy with how I look, but I’m not going to grace the covers of magazines or anything. I’m average height, and a little too curvy for my taste these days (did I mention I am no longer in my early twenties?). I do have a nice rack, but I’m not crazy gorgeous or anything.

  But Braxton? I get it. I don’t blame any guy I date for being uncomfortable with our friendship. Braxton is big and powerful, and not just physically. He’s one of those people who fills whatever space he’s in. His personality is as big as his biceps—maybe bigger.

  And he’s fucking gorgeous. I can admit that to myself, although I’d never tell him. He has a strong jaw that he keeps covered in light stubble. His eyes are so dark they’re almost black, and when he stares at you, it’s like he can see through to your soul. He’s just the right type of muscular—big and strong, without looking like a meathead. He has a set of gorgeous tattoos down his left arm, adding to the bad boy thing he does so well. Women stare at him wherever he goes, and he knows it. Women are putty for him.

  Except me, of course.

  Mostly.

  “That sucks,” he says. “You shouldn’t start the new year without someone to properly kiss that sweet mouth.”

  Hope is definitely not around, and Braxton is definitely drunk.

  I smile and take a sip of my drink so he’ll quit looking at my mouth. I hate it when he looks at me like this; I feel like I can’t breathe. “That’s okay,” I say. “I’ll be fine. It’s a stupid holiday anyway. Who fucking cares? It’s just a calendar flip. It’s not like a new year has to mean anything.”

  I’m lying through my teeth. I’ve been looking forward to this night for the last month, feeling like this coming year will be different. I’m going to get my shit together and start living life on my terms. Set goals. Find a better job. Achieve things I can be proud of. Maybe find love—real love, with a future. Not this dating bullshit, with the games and uncertainty.

  I’ve been planning to make this a year of change, a year of figuring out my shit. Which is probably why the fact that I’m about to sneak off to my room and start the new year by myself, nursing a strong drink, brings the sting of tears to my eyes.

  Someone yells, “One minute!”

  Braxton gets closer. “You need someone to kiss tonight, Ky?”

  I force out a laugh. “Why, you offering?”

  He meets my eyes and, for a second, I think he’s serious. My smile drops and my heart beats too fast.

  “There you are,” Hope says, slipping her hand around Braxton’s arm. “It’s almost time.”

  He steps back, his expression mischievous. He was totally fucking with me. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

  “Come
on, baby,” Hope says, trying to pull him out of the kitchen. Her eyes narrow at me, but her expression softens before Braxton sees the look she gives me.

  Everyone starts counting down. “Ten … nine … eight…”

  I watch Braxton for a beat longer as he lets Hope lead him away. He turns to her and puts his hand around her waist while she tips her face up to him, ready for his kiss. People around them pair off. Selene and Nathan are already busy playing tongue hockey on the other side of the room.

  “Six … five … four…”

  I can’t even deal with this scene. Clutching my cup, I cross the distance to my room and duck inside. I lean back against the door just in time to hear, “One!”

  Cheers. Noisemakers. Whoops and hollers. I’m sure Braxton is kissing Hope, a prelude to him tossing her over his shoulder and carrying her upstairs to his room. I’ll probably have to suffer her dirty looks through breakfast tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get up early and go home before Braxton and Selene wake up. I’m not sure I want to hang out with people who all got laid the night before, while I’m spending the night alone in my room, with only my good friend vodka to keep me company.

  I sink down on the bed and put the drink on the nightstand. As much as I want this year to be better, from the way it’s beginning I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a lot more of the same.

  Click here to keep reading Always Have: A Bad Boy Romance

  Afterword

  I always feel such a mix of emotions when I get to a highly anticipated story like this one. I love it when readers are excited for a character. There’s a lot of buildup, and that makes the whole process fun. But there’s pressure too. I don’t want to disappoint my readers with a story that doesn’t live up to their expectations.

  We first meet Caleb in Book Boyfriend. He’s Alex’s younger brother, and he comes back to Seattle for what his siblings think is a visit. He tells them he’s actually interviewing for a job, with the hope of moving closer to his family. He’s struggling as a single father, raising his daughter Charlotte, while keeping up with a demanding career as an ER surgeon.

  In Cocky Roommate, we see a little more of Caleb. He’s an old friend of Weston—one of the few people in the world Weston can honestly call a friend. We learn a little more about the loss of Caleb’s wife, Melanie, when Caleb tells his sister Kendra how Weston helped him out after Mel died. It’s a surprising revelation for Kendra, and we get to see a little glimpse into Weston. But we’re also reminded that Caleb suffered a tragic loss when his daughter was just a baby.

  Caleb’s story begins when Charlotte is six, just beginning first grade. He’s had a tough time finding a reliable caregiver, and Charlotte is struggling with shyness and anxiety at school. Caleb is feeling the weight of his responsibilities. When his in-laws insist their younger daughter, Linnea come to live with him to be Charlotte’s nanny, he thinks he’s getting more problems, rather than a solution. After all, the last time he saw Linnea, she was a teenager who barely spoke.

  Of course, Linnea is no longer the quiet child Caleb remembers. She’s grown up, and blossomed into a beautiful, talented young woman. And Caleb is struck by lightning the first time he sees her.

  Linnea grew up in the shadow of her older sister. She’s not like her parents, or Melanie, and she’s never felt like she fits in with her family. After her sister’s death, the pressure and expectations that had been reserved for her sister fell squarely onto her shoulders. She’s been trying to cope with the weight of that ever since.

  Moving to Seattle to be Charlotte’s nanny gives her some much-needed breathing room from her overbearing mother. But she’s still trying to live up to her parents’ expectations, particularly when it comes to her career. She struggles with feeling abnormal, like she doesn’t fit in with her peers. And despite her self-proclaimed insta-crush when she meets Caleb again, she sees him as unattainable/off-limits.

  From her first day in Caleb’s home, Linnea fits like a missing puzzle piece. She has a natural gift for nurturing others, and both Caleb and Charlotte are in desperate need of that sort of care.

  But, of course, it’s not all smooth sailing. Caleb struggles with all the reasons he believes they can’t be together, despite his growing attraction to her. Linnea does the same. But, as Alex predicts, it was inevitable that it would all come out.

  There were a lot of things I enjoyed about writing this story. I had a soft spot for Caleb from the moment I introduced him in Book Boyfriend. He’s a sweet and gentle father who’s doing his best for his daughter. He’s suffered a difficult loss, but by the time his story begins, he’s ready to move on. But a demanding job and the responsibilities of parenting make that difficult.

  In Linnea, I wanted to explore a character who was both soft and strong—something that can be a challenge in a romance heroine. Linnea isn’t sassy and no-nonsense like Kendra, nor is she awkward and quirky like Mia. But she has a quiet strength, and an ability to care for, and about, others without losing herself in the process. She can nurture both Charlotte and Caleb in the way they need, without sacrificing who she is.

  And Charlotte. Oh, how I love that little girl. The sweet, shy thing with so much sunshine just waiting to come out. My hope was to incorporate Charlotte in the story enough that she’d be an enjoyable character, and you could see her growth as the story progresses. The trick was not letting her overpower the love story between Caleb and Linnea. Because let’s be honest, some kid stuff is cute, but it’s not exactly sexy. And we still want some sexy.

  But between her dad’s devotion and love, and Linnea’s gentle encouragement, Charlotte does grow and you see glimpses of the girl—and young woman—she’s going to become.

  I love writing close families, and the Lawsons have become one of my favorites. What I love about them is that I didn’t plan them that way. I didn’t outline Book Boyfriend with the intent of creating this fun group of characters who’d be such integral parts of each other’s lives. It all developed very naturally as each story progressed.

  In fact, when Book Boyfriend begins, that closeness doesn’t exist—at least not to the degree that it does later. Alex is a grumpy divorced guy working a job he hates, struggling to help his dad through a difficult time. Kendra is trying to find her place in the world, both socially and professionally. Caleb lives in another state, the distance keeping him from developing a close relationship with his siblings.

  But as each of the Lawsons meet their person, their entire family is strengthened. Mia becomes best friends with Kendra. Weston embraces his new family, trading up from the crappy one he was born into, and develops real friendships with both Caleb and Alex. Linnea completes the circle, coming into Caleb’s life and fitting in like she was always meant to be there. And loving Caleb and Charlotte fulfills Linnea in a way nothing else ever could.

  I have to give a special thanks to my friend Nikki for her suggestion that Ken Lawson meet someone and have his own happily ever after. I can’t take any credit for that idea, and it was perfect, wasn’t it? The only thing I love more than a romantic happily ever after is a romantic double happily ever after. I was really glad I could write that in for Ken. He certainly deserved it, and I love the idea of him living out his own happy ending with Jacqueline.

  And I know it’s Caleb’s book, but I can’t end without talking about Weston. First of all, the beach scene in chapter seven. I know it seems like everyone is kind of ganging up on Caleb, but honestly, I put Mia and Weston in a scene together and hilarity ensues. From Mia calling Caleb a DILF, to Weston saying Caleb has a dad bod, to Mia and Weston’s game of “real or not real”… I just can’t even with these people. Seriously, that scene wrote itself.

  I also had a TON of fun turning Weston into Kendra’s sperm bank. It was a little bit of karma for the guy who man-whored his way through life for so long to suddenly feel like his wife is using him for sex. I tend to agree with Caleb; there’s no way that isn’t funny.

  That was what prompted me to write Weston’s bon
us chapter. I knew he and Kendra would have a baby, and the temptation to write Weston as a father was too strong to resist. How cute is that asshole walking around with his daughter in a baby sling? I loved how he’s oblivious to why the women are all staring at him (um, because a hot guy with a baby is sexy AF, Weston, get a clue). I also wanted to show that, despite the fact that he’s a big softie for his wife and daughter, he’s still Weston. He’s short with the childcare attendant at the gym (“Baby, please.”) and he doesn’t like people touching his daughter (I could almost hear him saying, “Mine,” when the woman in the hospital tried to touch Audrey). It was fun to revisit Weston from his point of view, and give him a little bit of closure when it came to his father.

  Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this book as much as I did, and that Caleb’s story was everything you wanted it to be.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you first and foremost to my readers. You make this job worth doing. I love you so much.

  Thank you to everyone who makes writing these stories possible. David, Nikki, and Tammi, for ideas, brainstorming, pep talks, and answers to stupid questions. Thank you to Elayne for cleaning up my words, and to Shayne for another lovely cover. I’m so lucky to have a great bunch of people around me. I couldn’t do what I do without you.

  Thank you to my fellow authors for writing beautiful stories and inspiring me to keep writing.

  Also by Claire Kingsley

  Book Boyfriends

  Book Boyfriend

  Cocky Roommate