Always Will: A Bad Boy Romance Read online

  29: Ronan

  Sarah texts me to say they’re ready for me in the main conference room. A buzz tickles the edges of my mind. This is it. Everything I’ve done, bringing these two companies together, comes down to today. I have so much riding on this deal that failure isn’t an option.

  I’m not worried. I’m finally feeling awake again. The thrill of victory is so close I can almost taste it.

  I have no idea if Selene is going to show. The thought of doing this without her kills my buzz a little, but I won’t blame her if she doesn’t come. I’m prepared to go over her material if I need to. I try to push thoughts of her out of my mind.

  Maybe it’s better if she’s not there. I won’t be distracted. Today, I need to be focused. On point. Ready.

  The air in the office tingles with electricity. People watch me as I walk to the conference room. Everyone knows what this meeting means. I feed off the tension, letting it drive me. It feels as good as a plane climbing, or standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump. This is what I do. This is what I live for.

  I’m in my element, but there’s a hollowness to it.

  I should be sharing this with her. But I can’t.

  I walk in and greet our guests. Ten men and women sit around the table, several in highly decorated uniforms. Sarah sits at the table, along with two of our lead developers.

  Selene isn’t here.

  “Good morning,” I say. “Welcome to Vital Information and Edge Gear.”

  The door opens. From the corner of my eye, I see Selene walk in. Her entrance almost shatters my concentration into a million pieces, and I falter for half a second while I regain my composure. She quietly takes her seat, but doesn’t meet my eyes.

  I recover quickly and move on with the introductions while Sarah passes out packets. The beginning of the presentation was always mine, so I continue on. I can’t read anyone’s faces. If they’re impressed by my speech, they’re not showing it. I click through the slides, giving an overview of our company and products, as well as background on some of the developers and engineers who have particularly impressive resumes. I emphasize the team aspect, and talk about how we’ve brought together the two teams to achieve something completely new and extraordinary.

  I get to the point where Selene should take over. She’s here. Does that mean she plans to go through with her part of the presentation?

  I shouldn’t even have wondered. She stands up on my second-to-last slide and eases her way to the front, unobtrusive so as not to interrupt me. She still won’t look at me, but she takes the remote from my hand and smoothly launches into the next part of the presentation.

  She’s perfect. She holds her audience in rapt attention while she talks about the technologies involved and how we’re bringing them together to provide state-of-the-art protective gear with both military and law enforcement applications. Her intimate knowledge of the team—and the tech—shines through in her words. Selene is an excellent speaker, and I see interest playing in the eyes of several of the people sitting around the table.

  I realize after several minutes that I’m not watching her. I’m listening, but my eyes are on the other people in the room. I don’t want it to be noticeable, so I force myself to look up at her.

  In the dim room, with the projector screen glowing behind her, she’s framed by a soft glow. Fuck, she’s beautiful. I’m mesmerized by the way her mouth moves when she talks. The straightness of her posture. The way her neck looks so soft with her hair pulled up.

  But more than anything, I’m so fucking proud of her. She is nailing this presentation in every way possible. Her points are spot on. Her excitement for the project shows. There’s no question she knows her shit. She’s making me look like a rock star for having her on my team.

  If we close this deal, there’s no way I can claim credit. She’s owning this room right now, and I’m in awe of her performance.

  She finishes her part, and opens the floor to questions. She and I hadn’t planned the meeting beyond this point, but she stays up front, taking questions and directing them to the engineers when necessary. I let her take the lead. She’s relaxed and competent, and there’s nothing more I need to do until the hand-shaking at the end.

  I take it as a good sign that they have so many questions. I answer a few, and the engineers get a chance to talk about their recent developments. I sense a great deal of interest. We don’t have an agreement yet, but we will. I can sense the deal closing.

  It will take weeks before we have a signed contract, but it’s going to happen. I can feel it.

  I should be in the midst of an adrenaline rush, fueling my high. But Selene’s voice lodges itself deep inside me, her proximity like a tiny hammer knocking inside my skull. I realize I’d counted on her not being here. She’s hardly been in the office, and I’ve been waiting for her to turn in her notice any day. I certainly haven’t given her any reasons to stay.

  But here she is, knocking the socks off everyone in this room, myself included. And I’m hit with such a raging storm of emotions, it’s all I can do to say the right things to close up the meeting and assure them we’ll have copies of the official proposal to everyone by morning.

  After what feels like an eternity, the meeting ends and our guests file out. Selene lingers, standing at the head of the large table, thumbing through her notes like she has a reason to stay. I wait behind, nodding to Sarah as she heads back to her desk, and close the door behind her.

  Selene looks up at the sound of the door closing. Her eyebrows lift, like she’s surprised I’m still here.

  It all came to me in a rush as I watched her. I know what I need to do.

  “Can I talk to you?” I ask.

  “Sure,” she says.

  “Selene, I realize this has been difficult,” I say. “But there’s something I should have done a while ago.”

  She keeps her eyes on the table. “What’s that?”

  “I want to offer you a promotion,” I say. “Make you VP of Operations.”

  Selene turns her face toward me, her brow furrowed. “What?”

  “After that presentation, no one will question where this is coming from,” I say. “You deserve this. It’s what you do already; I’m just catching up with your title.”

  “Is this supposed to fix everything?” she asks.

  “This isn’t about us,” I say. “This is about you and the company. This is where you should be. You’re the heart and soul of this place.”

  “I’m leaving,” she says. “I was going to wait to tell you, but I’m planning on giving my notice.”

  I don’t just hear her words; I feel them. Right in the center of my chest, as if they reverberate through me. I knew this would happen, but I hoped I could head her off. I hoped I could salvage this before she left for good.

  Fuck.

  “Don’t do that, Selene,” I say. “Don’t leave because of me.”

  “You tell me you love me, then you break up with me, and now you want to promote me?” she asks. “You’re insane, Ronan. I don’t know how you think I can trust a word you say.”

  “I never lied to you.”

  “Don’t,” she says, holding up a finger. “Don’t even do that to me. The game is over, so you can cut the bullshit. You wanted what you couldn’t have, and once you got it, you were ready to move onto the next challenge.”

  “That’s not true—”

  “What happened, then?” she asks. “Because from where I’m standing, things got too intense for you, and you bailed.”

  She’s hitting way too close to the truth. Smack in the middle of it, in fact. But she still has the wrong idea. I don’t have an answer, so I just turn away.

  “You don’t want a future with me, fine,” she says. “But how you think I could stay here is beyond me. I don’t give a shit what titles you dangle in front of me.”

  “I’m not fucking with you,” I say. “This promotion is what you deserve for your work here. It doesn’t have anything to do wi
th what happened between us.”

  “Why do you want me to stay, Ronan?” she asks, meeting my eyes.

  It’s hard to hold her gaze. “Because you’re what this company needs,” I say.

  She shakes her head. “The company. Of course. But not you. I’m not what you need.”

  “Have you not heard a word I’ve said?” I ask. “I can’t be what you need. Not the other way around.”

  “Why?”

  I look away.

  “No? You claim to fear nothing, but you’re too scared to tell me the truth,” she says. “And who are you to make that choice for me? You don’t get to decide what I need. I get to make that call. God, I’m so fucking sick of men who think they know what’s best for me. What am I, some sort of fragile little flower? I’m a grown woman, Ronan, and I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

  “If I had any doubts about you, I wouldn’t be offering you this position,” I say. “You are a strong, competent woman, and we need you here.”

  “The company does. But not you.”

  “This isn’t about me. This is about the company.” I’m barely holding on to the threads of my temper. “What the fuck do you want me to say?”

  Selene puts her hands on her hips. “I want you to tell me how you can look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, and then days later push me aside like I mean nothing to you.”

  And there it is again. The crushing weight. The fear. The certainty that I can never be the man she needs. She waits, her eyes intent on me, but I don’t answer. I don’t know how to make her understand.

  “No? I didn’t think so. I’ll stay as long as it takes to pass off my responsibilities to others, but then I’m leaving. Believe me, this is not what I wanted. I loved it here. But there is no way I can come to work every day and see you. I thought maybe I was strong enough to do it, but I’m not.”

  She walks over to her chair and leans down to pick up her things. I catch sight of something at her throat, just beneath her shirt collar.

  “Goodbye, Ronan,” she says.

  I watch her go, but I saw it, and it’s like getting hit upside the head with a board. She’s wearing the necklace I bought her.

  30: Selene

  I already regret this date.

  In a fit of anger after Ronan dared to offer me a promotion, I accepted an invitation to dinner from a guy I met in a coffee shop near my house. I’d seen him there before, but never talked to him. When he asked if I’d join him for dinner, I was still so pissed off at Ronan that I said yes.

  Josh seems like a nice guy, but I never should have come out with him. I was honest about the fact that I literally just got out of a relationship, and he said he didn’t mind. If anything, he looked relieved. Even though he’s the one who approached me, I get the feeling he’s as reluctant about going on a date as I am. In a way, that was part of what made me accept. I felt like he and I could have a pleasant meal together without there being pressure to worry about what would come next.

  But he had to choose the restaurant where Ronan interrupted my date with Aidan all those months ago. And the hostess just seated us at the same table.

  I feel like this is a really bad sign.

  My phone dings and I pull it out of my purse. “Sorry, I should have turned the sound off.” It’s a text from Kylie.

  Where are you?

  “Let me guess,” Josh says. “You have a friend ready to text you with a fake emergency in case you need an excuse to leave.”

  I laugh while I send Kylie a reply. Date. Chase’s Bar and Grill. Why? “Not exactly. It is my friend, but she was just asking where I am. She probably stopped by my house and wondered.”

  Josh rubs his chin and looks away. “Listen, I need to be honest with you. I know this is strange, considering I invited you, but I’m not sure I should have done that.”

  Despite the fact that I’m not sure either, it’s still a little disappointing to hear. “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess … we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  “I’m crazy, right?” he says. “I mean, look at you.”

  I glance down. I’m wearing a simple black dress with the necklace Ronan gave me at my throat. I should probably stop wearing it, but the meaning is so special. I think of my parents every time I put it on, and not in a way that makes me sad. It makes me feel like they’re still watching out for me, strange as that sounds.

  “You’re really, really beautiful,” Josh continues. “But things in my life are uncertain right now, and I’m not sure if dating anyone is a good idea. I feel bad, because I asked you to dinner, and now here I am telling you I probably shouldn’t have. I’ll be honest, my brother has been pressuring me into dating and that’s why I asked you.”

  I laugh and Josh’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I was just sitting here thinking I probably shouldn’t have agreed to come out with you tonight. It’s way too soon for me.”

  His shoulders relax and he smiles. “Tell you what, then. We’re here. We might as well eat.”

  I glance at my phone one more time, wondering what’s up with Kylie, but she hasn’t replied. I put my phone back in my purse and go back to perusing the menu.

  Josh and I order and start to chat. He confesses that his wife left him and their divorce was finalized recently. I find myself telling him about Ronan—some of it, at least. I don’t mention the fact that he was my boss, nor that I told Ronan I quit but haven’t yet put in official notice. I should. I need to be able to tell the rest of the office that I’m leaving, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to make the announcement yet.

  Josh is sympathetic and understanding. Our food arrives, and it’s quite good. Despite the fact that neither of us want this to be a date, it’s nice to be out of the house and having a conversation with someone. I feel a bit more like myself than I have in a while.

  “Excuse me,” someone says behind me, and I almost drop my fork.

  He can’t be serious.

  Josh looks up with raised eyebrows.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” Ronan says, sliding a chair up to our table. “Actually, I’m lying. I’m not sorry.” He looks at Josh. “I hope you weren’t expecting to get lucky tonight. The lady’s coming home with me.”

  My mouth drops open and I sputter, so angry I can’t get a word out.

  Josh looks bewildered, and maybe even slightly amused. “Is this him?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I say through gritted teeth, my eyes on Ronan. “And he’s definitely not staying.”

  “Selene, we need to talk,” Ronan says.

  “You cannot just show up here and interrupt my date,” I say.

  Josh puts up a hand. “It’s not really a date.”

  I glare at him. “You’re not helping.”

  “Of course it’s not a date,” Ronan says, his eyes twinkling.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I ask.

  “You can’t date him when you’re in love with me.”

  I shake my head slowly. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? You left me, in case you’ve forgotten already. That was your decision. Now you need to live with it.” I stand up and root around in my purse for a second, then toss some money on the table so I don’t stick Josh with the bill. “Josh, I’m very sorry about this. Dinner was lovely, but I have to go.”

  I push past Ronan, ignoring what he says to my back as I walk away. I cannot believe he would show up here like this. First he says he can’t be what I need, and now suddenly he wants to waltz back into my life?

  He follows me out, but doesn’t seem to be trying to catch up. I hurry to my car, grateful that Josh and I decided to meet here and I don’t have to ruin my dramatic exit by going back to ask for a ride home, or stopping to get a cab. I get in my car and leave, checking my rear view mirror for signs that Ronan is following me. There’s a car behind me for a while, but it doesn’t look like his and it turns down a side street before I get home.

  Without really th
inking it through, I drive past my house and don’t stop. He’s going to come here. If he was brazen enough to interrupt my date, he’ll certainly try to find me at home. Seeing him made me so angry—he’s so smug and fucking arrogant.

  The lady’s coming home with me. What an asshole.

  I do not want to admit how hearing that sent a lighting strike straight to my core.

  After driving around aimlessly for a while, I find a parking spot on the street in front of a random restaurant and go in. I don’t even know what I’m doing. The host shows me to a table, and I order a glass of wine.

  Reluctantly, I check my phone. I have a string of texts from Ronan.

  I’m sorry. I tried your house. You weren’t home.

  Kylie was there. She said you were on a date.

  This is my fault.

  Please, can we talk?

  I need to see you.

  Where are you? I’m getting worried.

  I put my phone down on the table and take a sip of my wine. What the hell am I doing? I just let him chase me out of a restaurant and now I’m avoiding my house.

  My phone dings again. Get. Your. Ass. Home.

  Oh, no he fucking didn’t.

  Furiously, I type out a reply. Are you kidding me? FUCK YOU

  I drop my phone back onto the table, but it dings again almost immediately.

  I knew that would get you to answer.

  I grind my teeth together. He is so damn infuriating.

  He texts again. Please, Selene. Come home.

  Should I? Should I hear what he has to say? I’m hurt, but he’s right about loving him. I don’t think that will ever go away, regardless of what happens between us. I’ll carry a piece of him with me for the rest of my life.

  What happened to him? The last time we saw each other, he had that haunted look in his eyes. Tonight, he was back to his old confident self. I can’t shake the feeling that the only reason he’s interested again is because he doesn’t have me. He’s back to chasing what he can’t have—once again, I’m a challenge.

  I nurse my wine for a while, listening to the soft hum of conversations around me. Ronan texts a few more times, asking where I am, if I’m okay, and whether I need a ride. Those are followed by another plea to come home. I don’t answer.