Always Will: A Bad Boy Romance Page 13

  The sex when we got back to Ronan’s place wasn’t bad either.

  I’m still a bit tense at work. We aren’t exactly hiding our relationship, but we’re not being completely open about it either. That’s at my insistence. He still swears it won’t matter—that any gossip will blow over quickly. But I’m not so sure. I’m pretty certain Sarah knows. She gives me odd looks whenever I come out of his office—even if nothing was going on behind his closed door besides a meeting. Which is usually the case.

  Not always. But usually.

  I really need some coffee, so I head to the break room. The stuff in the cafe downstairs is better, but I don’t want to take the time. There’s usually a line. I turn the corner and hear voices coming from the small kitchenette.

  “Like it isn’t obvious?”

  I recognize Kelly’s voice. She’s in Marketing.

  “Come on,” someone else says. “There’s no way she’s with him.”

  I peek around the door and see Kelly talking with Lydia, who’s also on the marketing team, and Justin from Sales. Something makes me hesitate—are they talking about me?

  “There’s totally something going on between them,” Kelly says.

  “Selene?” Justin says. “I don’t know.”

  Fuck. They are talking about me.

  “Oh yeah, he’s definitely sleeping with her,” Lydia says. “Shelley Johnson said she saw Selene come out of his office the other day with sex hair.”

  “In the office?” Kelly says, her eyes lighting up like it’s the best thing she’s ever heard. “Oh my god, that’s crazy.”

  “I know,” Lydia says. “You’d think Selene would know better.”

  “Well, come on,” Kelly says. “It’s Ronan Maddox. Who could resist him? Not me.”

  “I hope your husband doesn’t know that,” Lydia says with a laugh.

  Kelly laughs right back. “Seriously, that guy is so hot, he’s definitely on my list.”

  “Your list?” Justin asks, sounding clueless as usual.

  “Yeah, you know, the list of people you’d get a pass to sleep with if you ever had the chance,” Kelly says. “Usually it’s celebrities and stuff, but Ronan Maddox is on mine. Damn, that man is fine.”

  “I don’t care how hot he is,” Lydia says. “I wouldn’t do it.”

  “Why are you all judgy about it?” Kelly asks. “You dated that sales guy for a while.”

  “He wasn’t my boss,” Lydia says. “There’s a big difference. Selene already thinks she runs this place. If she’s sleeping with the boss, that’s only going to get worse.”

  “She’s not that bad,” Kelly says. “Now you just sound jealous.”

  “I’m hardly jealous,” Lydia says. “But watch. Selene’s going to get some big promotion, and we’re going to know exactly why.”

  I back away from the room, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I hurry back to my office. I don’t want one of them to come out into the hallway and realize I heard. I’m embarrassed enough as it is.

  Sex hair? Fuck.

  When I get back to my desk, I have a message from Ronan. Can I see you in my office?

  Ordinarily, that little message would fill me with anticipation. He might just need to chat with me about something business-related. Or, he might be standing in his office with a velvet rope, ready to tie up my hands and fuck me on his desk. But right now, I don’t want to play his games. We’ve been pushing the boundaries of what’s appropriate at work way too much.

  Is it urgent? I type back. Busy.

  It can wait. Lunch?

  That probably means it’s business. Sure.

  I don’t get much done in the two hours leading up to lunch. I keep going over what I heard in the break room. I just met with the development team the other day, and filled them in on the new direction for VI and the integration with Edge. Do they know about us too? Were they sitting there thinking, Of course Selene is encouraging us to trust Ronan. She’s banging him, so… Is everyone going to see an ulterior motive in everything I do?

  This is one of the reasons I always stuck to my rule about dating coworkers. Things can get so awkward in the office.

  And like Lydia said, I’m not just dating a coworker. I’m dating my boss. Everyone’s boss.

  God, what am I doing?

  Ronan knocks on my door and pokes his head in. “Ready? I was thinking Indian sounds good.”

  “Can we just meet here really quick?” I ask. “I have a lot to do.” And I don’t want to be seen leaving for lunch with you. Again.

  His brow furrows. “What’s going on that has you so busy?”

  “Nothing,” I say with a wave of my hand. “Just the usual.”

  “Then I’m pretty sure you can come have lunch with me,” he says.

  I keep my eyes on my computer screen. “No, I really can’t.”

  He quietly shuts the door and takes a seat across the desk from me. “Selene, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  He rests his elbow on the arm of the chair and puts a hand to his chin, looking at me with those piercing gray eyes. “Yes, there is. Tell me.”

  I don’t know if I want to discuss this with him. He’s set above the world of office gossip. Untouchable. He won’t care what people say about him because he’s the owner. What are they going to do? They have to respect him. Not to mention there’s a maddening double standard. In the minds of most people in the office, Ronan sleeping with me makes him, at worst, an opportunist. He’s a man, having sex with a woman. Not a slut or a whore. But me? Oh, they’ll think all sorts of things about me, none of them flattering.

  “I heard some people talking in the break room,” I say. “About me. About us.”

  “What did they say?” he asks, his voice completely neutral.

  “They were speculating as to whether we’re sleeping together,” I say. “Apparently people are saying I came out of your office the other day with sex hair.”

  The corners of his mouth turn up. “You probably did.”

  “Fuck you, Ronan,” I say, a flash of anger burning through me. “This isn’t a joke.”

  The lines of his jaw stand out and his eyes narrow. “I don’t consider it a joke.”

  “I work my ass off for this company,” I say. “I earned every bit of respect I have from the team. But now people aren’t going to see Selene Taylor. They’re going to see Ronan Maddox’s fucking mistress.”

  I regret the words—and my tone—as soon as I say it. I shouldn’t lash out at him. It’s not his fault. He was persistent, but I made my own choices.

  “All right,” he says, and stands. “I’ll back off.”

  His tone is so cold, it’s like a slap to the face. He walks out of my office and shuts the door behind him.

  I lean my head back against my chair and breathe out a heavy sigh. Fuck. I just made that situation worse.

  Maybe Ronan and I should have been more open about our relationship from the beginning. The fact that we’ve been more or less hiding it makes the potential for gossip even higher. People love to think they’ve discovered a dirty secret. If I’m going to date Ronan—if we’re going to have an honest to goodness relationship and not just a hot fling—I’m going to have to live with what some people in the office think. I can’t control their opinions, and what they think of me shouldn’t matter so much. But it does. I’ve spent my entire career navigating the ins and outs of snap judgments and misinterpretations of who I am.

  I’m aware of what I look like. I’m tall and beautiful, and there’s no conceit in me knowing it. But it means a lot of people don’t take me seriously. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told I should “go be a model.” Sometimes it’s meant as a compliment, but often buried in the comment is the implication that my best assets are my face and my body. That the fact that I have long legs, big boobs, and a fortunate bone structure means there must not be much more to me.

  There’s some irony in complai
ning about being beautiful. I understand that plenty of women would kill for a body like mine, and I appreciate it for what it is. But I’ve always felt like I have to work a little harder to earn the respect of my coworkers, and I hate that dating Ronan is jeopardizing that.

  Is there a way to make this work? And is this more than a hot fling? Am I putting my career at risk for a man who’s going to chase the next sexy pair of legs that catches his eye?

  I close my laptop and unplug the power supply. I need to get out of here. I send a quick text to Kylie, telling her I need to talk, and gather up my things. I’ll probably get more work done at home anyway. At least I won’t be wondering what everyone is saying about me on the other side of my door.

  My focus isn’t much better sitting at my dining table than it was at my desk. Around five, I give up and pour myself a glass of wine. I’m not being very productive, so I figure I ought to stop staring at my computer screen.

  There’s a knock at my door. I’m expecting Kylie, but not till later—and she would just use her key. I set my wine glass down on the coffee table and go to answer the door.

  I open it to find Ronan standing on the other side, still dressed in his button-down shirt and slacks, his hair slightly unkempt. He looks like he came straight from the office.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  I close the door behind him and we walk into the kitchen.

  “Drink?” I ask.

  “Sure.”

  He leans against the counter, his hands in his pockets. He seems so distant. I know I owe him an apology, but I hate that he didn’t touch or kiss me when he first walked in. Maybe I did more damage than I realized.

  I pour him a glass of bourbon, and he takes a sip while I refill my wine.

  “I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” I say. “I was upset, and I took it out on you.”

  His face softens a little. “You don’t need to apologize. I was worried this afternoon when I saw you’d left.”

  “Worried about what?”

  “That you might quit.”

  “I’m not quitting my job,” I say, my voice sharp.

  “Don’t get defensive,” he says. “I don’t say that because I think you would make a decision like that lightly. I say that because I need to make sure it doesn’t happen.”

  I watch him for a moment, turning my wineglass in my hand. “Why?”

  “Because you’re the reason I bought VI.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask. “You didn’t know I worked there when you bought it.”

  “You’re right, I didn’t,” he says. “But I know that a lot of what made VI worth buying was you. Your fingerprints are on everything. Yes, Brad put together a good team, but it was you who held things together. It was you who drove the company’s direction as much as Brad. Maybe more.”

  I stare at him, not sure what to say.

  “I know that I’m walking a line with you,” he says. “I don’t know what’s stronger—my respect for you as a professional, or my feelings for you as a woman.”

  “Are you saying you think you have to choose between our working relationship and our personal one?”

  One corner of his mouth turns up and he walks over to stand in front of me. “I’m saying I’m greedy, and I want both. I love working with you. You’re focused and passionate, and you care about your work. And I love…” He stops and sets his drink on the counter. He looks deep into my eyes, and something stirs inside me—a mix of fear and longing. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Selene.”

  My mouth drops open and my heart races. Did he just say what I think he said? I blink, trying to see the pretense in his eyes, but there’s nothing but raw honesty.

  He licks his lips and touches my face. “I didn’t think you’d say nothing to that.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, slightly breathless. “That was unexpected.”

  I need to say something else. The crack in my protective shell widens as his eyes bore into me. Can I really let him in? Can I risk this?

  My voice is barely a whisper. “I think I’m falling in love with you too.”

  An easy smile spreads over Ronan’s face. His lips come to mine and he kisses me, deep and slow, tangling his fingers in my hair. I’m lost in the feel of him, falling through the air like we just jumped out of a plane. He wraps me in his arms. His kiss is luxurious. I run my hands through his hair and press my body against him.

  Whatever else happens at work, I’m too far gone to stop this now.

  21: Ronan

  I hang up the phone after what may prove to be the most important phone call of my career. The meeting is on, and we’ll have the chance to pitch our plan to get the biggest contract I’ve ever gone after. My thoughts swirl and I lean back in my chair, putting a hand to my chin. I’m feeling a little invincible right now.

  I get a sudden craving for speed. For freefall. But I’ll have to wait to indulge it, because I have a shit ton of work to do and several meetings that are too important to miss.

  I can’t wait to tell Selene. Her hard work is as much a part of this as anyone’s. My hand hovers over my keyboard, about to type a message asking her to come to my office. But we have a meeting in ten minutes; knowing her, she’s already in the conference room preparing. I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll tell her over dinner.

  Just thinking about Selene sends a strange warmth through me. I’m still reeling from the fact that I told her I’m falling in love with her. I didn’t plan on saying that. That wasn’t why I went straight to her house when I found out she’d left work early that day. I knew she was upset about the rumors, and I had to make sure it wasn’t going to drive her away. On the way to her house, all I thought about was what the company would do if we lost her. I didn’t let myself think about what I would do. I couldn’t. Wrestling with that would mean I’d have to face what I was feeling. And that was too fucking much.

  Until the words came out of my mouth.

  It was a rush just to say it. To admit what I’ve known for quite some time. Selene isn’t a game. She’s not a prize, or an accomplishment I can add to my trophy case. She’s an unbelievable woman—smart, funny, sexy as hell. She’s opened up a place inside me that I didn’t think was there anymore. I thought it died a long time ago. But somehow, she found it. She drew it out and made it live again.

  The fear is still there. But I’ve never been one to shy away from fear. I use it. Embrace it. So I pushed past it and admitted that I love her. And fuck, I’m glad I did. I do love her, and hearing her say it back made it worth the risk to bare my soul to her.

  Sarah knocks on my door. “You have a minute?”

  “Sure, come on in.”

  She takes a seat across my desk. “Well?”

  I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. “We got it.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Completely,” I say. “They’re coming here next month. We have a lot to do to prepare, but we have our shot.”

  Sarah shakes her head slowly. “I almost can’t believe you’re pulling this off. But then again, you are … you.”

  I smile again. “Anything else? I have a meeting and then I’m ducking out early. I think I deserve it.”

  “I’d say so,” she says. “If that’s the case, mind if I head out when you do?”

  “Hot date?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a hot date,” she says with a smile. “What about you? Seeing Selene tonight?”

  I lean back in my chair. “Yes.”

  She raises her eyebrows. “We’re admitting to this now?”

  I shrug. “I’ve never denied it.”

  “You haven’t exactly been forthcoming.”

  “You didn’t ask,” I say.

  “All right, I’m asking,” she says. “And not as your assistant, but as your friend.”

  “Asking what? There wasn’t a question.”

  She rolls her eyes. “You’re such an ass. Are you in a relationship with
her?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, is this the usual thing?” she asks, her voice hesitant.

  “What does that mean?”

  “You know what it means,” she says. “How long is this going to last?”

  “Are you asking me to put a time limit on my relationship?”

  “No, I’m asking you if you’re serious about her.”

  “Why?”

  She sighs. “Because we’ve been friends since we were nineteen, Ronan. Sometimes friends talk about things. In sentences. Without deflecting by asking more questions. So I’ll ask you again. Are you serious about Selene?”

  “Extremely.”

  She raises her eyebrows again. “Extremely? Now you need to tell me what that means.”

  I look away. I’m usually pretty open with Sarah. She’s known me long enough. “She’s different. It’s been a long time since I saw myself having a future with someone.”

  “Since Chelsea?” she asks, her voice quiet.

  “Yes, since Chelsea,” I say. For the first time, saying her name doesn’t hurt. “Fuck, Sarah, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m crazy about her.”

  “Wow,” she says. “I’m really happy for you.”

  “What are people in the office saying about her?” I ask.

  “In regards to the two of you?” she asks. “People are just speculating. You don’t exactly hide the way you look like you want to eat her for dinner. The problem is, people fill in the blanks. Your reputation followed you back to Seattle, so people make assumptions.”

  “My reputation?”

  Sarah tilts her head and raises her eyebrows. “Come on, don’t tell me you’ve never heard what people call you.”

  I’m not sure I want to hear this. “I don’t believe I have.”

  “CEPD?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “Chief Executive Panty Dropper,” Sarah says.